All Life and all Men came from Woman

Ancient peoples knew of the workings of sexual energies, they knew that sex created the cosmos. Ancient peoples knew of the workings of sexual energies, they knew that sex created the cosmos. They respected and understood our connectedness to all Nature. Those universal insights were buried in wisdoms throughout antiquity. Since all life and all men came from women, our ancestors also reverently understood the innate power of women-kind.

In order to assume power for themselves my male ancestors decreed that sex, the creation-force of the Universe, was not important… and therefore women were not important. Structures of paternal power were born. Inevitably those power structures needed to be memorialised. So the task of preserving and documenting those sexual wisdoms was ceded to celibate monks. (Just imagine!) Wisdom about the creative force of the Universe was not suitable for the common man and woman. Sex liberates and a liberated population cannot be controlled. Sacred sexual teachings were to be kept secret. The sociopathic results of that folly can be witnessed all over the world today.

~Excerpt from the new book ‘the sex god – No Mud No Lotus’ byBen Belenus

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Confessions of a recovered porn addict ~Ben Belenus

To prepare myself for writing today I watched some Internet porn.

I felt it would help the spirit of this article if I had re-engaged with my lustier side. To get to the movie I went to a website and two clicks later I was being fed some seriously raunchy cyber-woman. I chose a short online movie entitled Good Girl. I watched it with awareness. Memories of my old porn-addicted ways came flooding back to me.

Good girl was a beautiful Hungarian twenty year old. She was initially interviewed by a tall muscular man who looked like a bit of a thug (my projection). She was then made to stand and turn gently before being bent over for a thorough examination. The camera slowly went in for a close view. Are you still reading this? Did energy move in your pelvis?

He then laid her back and forcefully did her. Shortly thereafter he bent her over, hands behind her back and she was done-to harder. He took what he needed. The hammering was clearly painful, she yelped with every thrust…and it got worse, but you get my drift.

Perhaps writing about porn is porn!

In our world today pornography, sex addiction and the broken ways in the world are all high visibility subjects. I can see something has warped in our culture’s relationship to sex and it is detrimentally affecting the way we all honor men, women and the Earth. This cultural damage is reflected in pornography.

My spurting practice.

Like millions of other well-functioning married men with issues, I turned to pornography. For several years I wanked myself stupid. Time and space was filled with horny-ness beyond my wildest dreams. Time that might otherwise have been used to be creative, productive or even just plain-bored got devoured by lust. In any moment where there was a desire for some escape from life I scored some porn. You know those moments that arise in us that are pregnant with the need for some conscious introspection? Well I used pornography there too. Porn consumed me as my life became filled withgrasping for pussy.

My fantastical life prospered while my real life was numbed. But where was all that battling of the purple-headed yoghurt-slinger taking me?

Our thoughts precede our reality; so perhaps we should be careful with our porno fantasies. Did the cosmic-people who wrote about “The Secret” consider that porn fantasies may have the quality of manifestation within them? What have my fantasies with thousands of porn girls manifested!? In general they manifested jacked up, buzzed feelings that were shortly followed by misery.

My relationship to pornography was double-sided. I loved porn because it allowed me to safely channel my still-considerable sexual energy out of my body—and into empty spurts.

And I hated porn. I couldn’t sniff her, worship her or probe the beauty of her being. I couldn’t feel her essence bathing my wounded masculine to wholeness.

Many men today, both married and single, rub away countless hours of their lives looking for harder, dirtier digital women. It probably hasn’t always been that way though. There’s no doubt the Internet has played its part in dumbing us all down. Sure a hard woman is nice every now and then, but you know what?  There’s nothing in the Universe quite like a soft, loving, all-embracing real woman. But for me porn somehow replaced the real thing. It was just, well, easier.

Neurosis-free women.

A fantasy-driven sex life was easier because the women of porn are apparently cleansed of all their problems and devoid of their testing neuroses; it was rather like buying irradiated meat in the supermarket in clean little packages without a sign of the industrialised chum behind the scenes. Shooting-up on porn allowed me to savor female energies without all the emotions. Small men everywhere, who would rather not deal with the truth that women have for them, can go get a fill of female energy, have a beer then get on with their day.

Men what is happening to us? Sure it’s nice to admire a beautiful woman in all her sexually attractive glory. But guys, pornography is disempowering us. If you are a user, can you feel it? That disempowered, out-of-control sadness. Does porn feel good after the release?

Perhaps all is well, though, as women will be able to resume their matriarchal power when all us men eventually become useless wank-piles. They shall reclaim their rightful ownership of all the power in the Universe, the power to create life itself. The Earth will be saved!

It’s amazing the lengths we will go to look at sex, or maybe flee from looking at it. I became very creative at creating porn-time. Always conveniently out of sight. I was a secretive user, and wanking held me in a numb power-sapped stupor.

Photo: Wineblat Eugene

Sure enough though I got to the point where I simply couldn’t get enough of such an apparently good thing. Porn is incredibly addictive, and if you have never felt the full power of sex over your logical mind then you will not relate to my words.

But why was I shooting up on porn so much? Perhaps all the sex in our society is helping us stay normal,otherwise we might all go mad.

But we are all mad, so we go get more porn just to keep our sanity. And to make things worse, we don’t even talk about it. We porn users are a secretive lot. What is the problem so many people have in talking openly about sex? (We still say we slept with her instead of shagged her.)

This is why porn exists, it feeds our shadows. Porn is a media reflection of the damaged inner relationship that we have to our sexual impulse. That impulse is beautiful. It is what has brought every one of us here to earth. It should be celebrated, not banished to the provenance of hidden jerk-offs in an upstairs bedroom.

If we all celebrated our sexuality, maybe there wouldn’t be a need for porn. Ultimately I realized that I was using porno pleasure to feed a sense of lack, without any regard for the women behind the scenes or how it was affecting my relationship to my wife or to sex.

The dope had become heroin/heroine. How could I shake it?

Shaking it.

Men who are seasoned porn users will be familiar with the empty-bollock ache that results from the perpetual fixes that are available. I got to the point where I’d had enough of porn. I hated porn to the core of my being. I also realized that I’d had enough of being taken for granted. I needed to be held, touched and found attractive. I needed to be loved by my wife and to give my love wholly.

In every moment we choose communion or separation.

I was a courageous warrior, determined to continue to be a powerful man. I embarked on a five year journey of self discovery to get to the root of the problem. My journey took me deep into self honesty, Tantra and sacred sexuality. I learned a great deal about sex, my relationship to myself, my relationship to women and my relationship to the earth along the way. I wrote a book about my journey to freedom called The Sex God – No Mud No Lotus.

My spirit feels brighter now that I am free of the grips of porn addiction.

Is porn a good thing?

For sure, some men don’t have access to sex; they may be wrinkling, wretched or alone. In those cases copious conceptual copulation with porn may be a healing salve. Porn stars with their minimal emotional engagement could in fact be healers in that capacity.

Some healthy users, men and women, say they like pornography, they say it’s fun and sexy, and that it can be used to raunch up an evening with a lover. Perhaps in recreational doses porn has its place on the smorgasbord of life.

It all comes down to consent and boundaries. One way of expressing our sex is recreationally. I could use some porn with my lover. We could watch some juicy people make love to each other and have a fine time together.

That is, if the men and women in the porn movie were consenting and nobody was being taken from or  done to against their will. Then porn may have its place in the smorgasboard of life. (Where can you find giving to and receiving sensual movies?) But it’s important to recognise that porn can creep into the holes in our wholeness and cause all kinds of grief.

My heart is my biggest organ and it knows that being utterly at ease around sex of any kind is my greatest opportunity. My heart can always feel whether porn is a good thing or not. Sex has nothing to do with brutishness and exploitation.

Sex has everything to do with creation and beauty. It is the noblest energy there is.

As for Good Girl, sure the movie made energy fizz in my pelvis. But you know what? It was no substitute for feeling the high fidelity, total sensory union possible with my real beloved. These days my preference is a powerful ejaculatory-choice practice and sacred sex over anything I can gain from lifeless digitised images of hairy eastern European girls.

There has never been a better time for us all to take a good look at the assumptions we make about our sexuality and how it affects our culture and all our relationships.

 (This article contains extracts from Ben’s recently published book, The Sex God – No Mud No Lotus. This article is also the second in a seven-part series over seven days, in collaboration with the Elephant Journal and Good Men Project, addressing the question: Is Porn a Good  Thing?)

Jim’ll fux it

I felt it worthwhile to offer a perspective on why men behave so recklessly with their dicks.

I read the news today.

The headlines were about sex and the sexually deviant way of the world; children’s TV personalities molesting patients, raped forests, government ministers into fetish parties, abused reefs, bank chiefs and hotel maids, and the exploitation of toxic fish. The damaged masculine makes the news.

But then I guess we aren’t governed by leaders or entertained by stars that are willing to take a vow of celibacy are we. Not like the church, where celibacy vows might allow the powerful to be more in touch with their subjects; perhaps dipping a finger in the ass of a young lad or practicing celibacy with the youthful genitals of a parishioner’s daughter?

Something needs fixing

Isn’t it amazing how sex is all over the media, and yet it is a subject that most people cannot talk about honestly. If they do talk about the way that sex moves in their body it is often behind closed doors in hushed tones. Maybe our whole generation needs sexually healing? If our peoples were healed it would save us having to keep locking them up.

In our world today sex, pornography, sexual deviance and the broken ways in the world are all high visibility subjects. I can see that something has warped in our culture’s relationship to sex and it is detrimentally affecting the way we all honour men, women and the Earth. This cultural damage is reflected in the media’s obsession with sex. The media propagates the shadow of our culture.

Jim’ll molest it


Jimmy Savile on my telly

There’s a major sexual furore developing in the UK at this time. At the centre of the storm is a deceased


children’s TV personality named Jimmy Savile. Savile was a TV mega star in known by every child of the 60’s 70’s and 80’s. His was most famous for his BBC show “Jim’ll Fix It”.

He always felt a bit creepy to me.

The metropolitan police are currently investigating 120 lines of inquiry against him involving rape and sexual abuse while being a children’s TV presenter and charity fundraiser. Allegations against the deceased star continue to mount with ex-patients at high security psychiatric hospitals coming forwards and claiming that they were molested. He behaved in that way and got away with it because he was in a culture where it was acceptable to behave that way and get away with it.

There is significant debate and much hand wringing going on about him. A fallen star, he is now referred to as a despicable sexual predator. TV channels are in a tizz and the story is making front page headlines daily. While traditional media pursues its post humus witch hunt, I felt it worthwhile to offer a perspective on why men behave so recklessly with their dicks. Savile was a man who had it all, why would he risk everything to cop a feel of some vulnerable underage women?

This is a sad story that reflects on us all. What he did to one, he did to us all.

Savile had a “sex god” that was out of control

Every person has within them a sexual impulse. I call that impulse “the sex god”. Most people are bigger than their sex god fuelled animal instincts. They do not behave sexually irresponsibly, most of the time. Sex gods manifest in many guises though, Savile had a penchant for young vulnerable women, while for another it might be porn addiction, building tall buildings, cheating on a husband or denuding a forest. Savile’s sex god was so unruly that it would have him make all manner of harmful choices. Just so he could get “some of the other” at any cost.

The past few generations have been unable to talk about their sex god’s honestly. Sex talk was either a private matter or the subject of media fuelled tittle tattle. If there was an honest dialogue, it would be exposed that many men feel powerless around pussy.

Where did Savile’s unruly sex god come from?

All of humanity bears wounds, pain held within our global subconscious. Our ancestors were ravaged by the needs of male egos, of warring peoples, horror, suppression, violence, pestilence and hunger. The belief that ours is the most gloriously sexual of ages, rooted in endless fun and rebellious novelty is widely held – but our ancestors also all had sex gods of their own. It doesn’t take too big an intellect to see that rape, abuse, subjugation and other vile ways of the sexual landscape will have been rife back through all history – and that their legacy of sexual abuse and damage will have been amply passed onto us. Those ways are still rife. Those ways shape our world.

So here we are in the second millennia and our world is very different to the one that our ancestors inhabited. My guess is that there was something about Savile’s ancestral lineage, about his social and cultural conditioning that made it okay for him to go fan fondling. There was something about the culture that he lived in that made it okay for him to spend a life time molesting without anybody calling him to task. If he was honest about his sex god, he might have stood up and said, “Brothers, my lustiness feels out of control, what should I do about it!” But then perhaps it was expected behaviour of a national personality; further endorsed by TV producers who would surround him with screaming teenies on Top of the Pops.

And what of his victims? I would go so far as to say that today we live in a world where women are sedated and controlled; they are only allowed to be whores or mothers, or to behave like men. It simply wasn’t acceptable for them to stand up to the institutions of the time and declare that Savile had crossed a boundary without permission.

I shed tears for our sad burden; that we should all be born of a culture where damaged masculine ways can operate and not be healed.

Jim needed fixing

When we heal our relationship to sex, our relationship to ourselves, other people and the Earth will also heal.

Where do the psychic wounds come from that need to be healed, to be energetically neutralised? Some wounds result from direct experience within our own lives, perhaps from encounters with wounded-others. Many wounds are inflicted when we witness inconsistencies-with-Truth while growing up. Much of our conditioning stems from the parent/child relationship and ancestral inheritance. We allowed our parents to be experts who know. We didn’t question them. We adopted their wounded conditioning. Our parents inherited their conditioning (wounds and all) from their parents, and so on stretching back through all of time. Anytime there was a wound or trauma in the lives of forebears the energy of that incident would be passed on through the generations and then eventually onto Savile – the same goes for you.

We are all the latest link in a long chain of ancestral pain, a complex chain of entanglements from the past. The day we are born, we become the next link in that chain.

Sex shapes our lives.

Jim could have fixed it

In every moment we have a choice. Our choice can allow some small part of our ancestral wounding to be healed; for our children and future generations. Actions always leave behind an energetic effect and that effect radiates outwards into the All. Nothing exists in isolation. Every choice we make has an effect that touches all the people around us, always. Savile wasn’t apparently very discerning in the choices that he is alleged to have made.

But we can be discerning about the choices we make, especially when driven by our sex god.

The deep imperative of an ancestral healing might be possible with a healthy choice. Somewhere within every one of us is a heart-conscience that somehow knows whether a choice contributes to the evolution of humanity, its illumination, or not.

We can fix it

The media is reflecting the damaged inner relationship that we all have to our sexual impulse.
When we acknowledge that we have within us primal animal urges as well as sacred propensity we can embrace our whole self. It’s a bit late for Savile to do so but we can learn from the ugliness of his legacy. Especially if we are ready to take an honest and vulnerable look at our relationship to sex.

Sex is beautiful. It is what has brought every one of us here to earth. It should be celebrated, not banished to the provenance of tittle-tattle about molestation, domination and hidden jerk-offs in an upstairs bedrooms.

Celebration of our sex requires that we all get honest about what it has us do. It requires that we see our bodies as temples of earthly pleasure. It requires that intimate boundaries are understood and respected. It is only when we truly love ourselves that we can truly love another.
If we all celebrated and talked openly about our sexuality, maybe there would be fewer prisoners, men would respect women and we would all respect the earth.

This article contains many extracts from Ben’s recently published book, ‘the sex god – No Mud No Lotus’ © Copyright 2012 Ben Belenus

Image by suprise truck used under creative commons license 



Ben Belenus is a truth seeker, worshipper of women, practitioner of conscious relationship, mystic and Author. His juicy new book “The sex god – No Mud No Lotus” is a thorough and sacred investigation into sex, love and authenticity. It’s a sexually explicit and passionate love story that follows one man’s evolution towards spiritual freedom. The story follows Ben from innocence into sexual cockiness, painful infidelities, porn addiction and then onwards into deepest Tantric Love. Ben’s next book which is a deep exploration of conscious loving relationship will be published next year.

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Six Sentence Sunday

Life calls us to dance with it. Our dance can embody a rejecting rigidity or it can be like an accepting liquid that flows with life. How do you dance with life Reader? During my days at the bar I experimented with acceptance. I flowed with whatever showed up in my life. My ease allowed me to grow up without damage.

Six Sentence Sunday

I could taste a joy that was deeply subdued in me. I was ready to find depth in myself beyond the psychological. The sex god had led me onto the road that would take me home. I had committed to walking a spiritual path with all its challenges.

Spirituality isn’t only about ascension and being in the ethers, the Work of a student of Truth requires you to connect profoundly with your body.

Spirituality for me has often simply been a walk in nature. Nature is the divine mother; I have always wanted to make love to her.

Six Sentence Sunday

This story will focus only on one of those dimensions, the sexual dimension. Sex will be explored in great depth and pursuant to my having testicles it will principally be from a man’s perspective. I shall share much conquested-treasure and some occasional junk with you. I am a provocateur, so be open to my words and don’t be fooled by your conditioned expectations of appropriate male behavior.

Men you will be understood… and confronted.

Women you will be challenged… and adored.